you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
