i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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