if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
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Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
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I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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