me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
