That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
