so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
