I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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