Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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