There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
