I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
