I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
