If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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