had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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