hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
