Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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