Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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