you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
