I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
