Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
