We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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