dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
