quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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