you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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