I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
