Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
