Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Less talking, more tequila
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
