I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
