the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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