i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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