I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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