Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
