Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
