i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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