She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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