I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
it was like eating out sand paper
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???