You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.