I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.