it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??