Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
