we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
