I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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