i don't plan on having that self control this summer
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm like, not good at living.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
