happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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