I met the friendliest cop last night
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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