when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
