forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Jerry, you need to find god
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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