I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize