Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
