Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I feel like a drive thru vagina
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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