It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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