It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
