just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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