OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
