Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
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When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
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That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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