You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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