apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
