while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
