This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
