and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
