You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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