Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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