I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
