I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
