No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
