thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
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