im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
