apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
So many bounce houses so little time
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
