guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
she pinky promised me she was 18
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
