I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS: I just woke up from my shower
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize