Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
