My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
