If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
