somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
