So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
