We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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