First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
