me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
