oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
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He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize