maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
