Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
